“So, how long have your
body in coma condition?” Hyena asked while reading a magic book.
“I think today is my
tenth days since that accident. ”Hero answered.
“Ah, I think I have found
a way. Lets go to the hospital. I will explain it latter” Hyena said happily.
“Really?? Let go then.. But
wait, I think you have to change that silly clothes first hyena.” Hero said
while stared at Hyena’s old pajamas and laughed. Hyena can only grumbling and
change her clothes.
They arrived in hospital and didn’t find Hiro’s room. Hiro confused and
tried to remember where was his room. They decided to scatter so they can
easily find it. While Hiro looking for his room, he saw his girlfriend in the
coridor and he walked up into her. Yoona, his girlfriend smilled to him and
walk toward him. Hiro walked immediately to his beloved girlfriend and want to
hug her. But unfurtunately because he was a ghost he couldn’t hug her and Yoona
keep walked throught him. He turned his head and saw other guy was hugging
Yoona tenderly. He turned around and run with his broken heart.
On the other side, Hyena found Hiro’s room after had argued with nurses. They
couldn’t tell about Hiro because he was a VVIP patient there . He peeked into
his room and saw Hiro’s mother was crying and was talking to Hiro’s body. She
stand in her position for a while and started looking for Hiro.
It was an hour and Hyena has already tired. She couldn’t find
Hiro anywhere. She even asked other ghost in that hospital and they didn’t know
where Hiro was. She want to hospital rooftop and sit in the one of bench there.
But suddenly a little girl hold her hand and pointed at someone. She was confused
and then realised that the girl pointed at a guy who was holding her foot and
looked very sad. She looked at the girl and smilled. And the girl suddenly
dissapeared.
To Be Continue
So excited, Tyta!!. Haha. However i think you need to pay more attention again in grammar. From "Let's go" and also the pattern of modal auxiliaries that the modal verb is followed by V1.
ReplyDeleteOverall, you have been able to write the good story enough. Keep learning!!
thank u for the advised
DeleteNice story , just like the first part! Actually i have something to ask you. The first one is " Hiro confused " isn't it should be "Hiro was confused "? and also " Hiro looking for his room " should be " Hiro was looking for his room " and the last is " unfurtunately " should be "unfortunately". That's all for my advice :)
ReplyDeletethank u Jer.. I really appreciate your comment.. :)
ReplyDeleteThe story about romance and a ghost, that was awesome and scary at the same time hehehe...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, after reading your story, maybe you could add one more space between each paragraph so it appear more attracting and easy to read. oh and be careful about your grammar too Tyta
Furthermore, it was a great story and you wrote it in a chronological order.