Hyena just got back home after overtime work in her office. The train
station was very quiet and just few people were there. It was a winter and the
weather was very cold so Hyena stopped in a vending machine in the station and
buy a hot coffee. On her way home, she realised that someone has been following
her from the station. She walked quickly and savely arrived in her house.
After few days, the same case happened again. This time Hyena dare her self to know who was followed her. Then she hide behind
the wall and peek. she saw the stalker. The stalker was a young man. Hyena
dashed out from her hideout and screamed to the man “I get you! Why did you
follow me all this time? Are you a stalker?”.
The man answered “Are you
talking to me?Can you see me?”
“Of course I talk to you
and clearly see you. Now tell me why did you follow me?”, Hyena said.
Then the man told her that he was followed her because he
think that she could help him to back to his body. Yeah, the man was a ghost.
But the man hasn’t died yet, his body was in coma condition. Hyena shocked, eventhough
she can saw ghost since she was a child it was the first time a ghost asked for
her help. At first she didn’t want to help the man, but the man looked very
pity and deppresed. He keep begging for her help. The man told her that he was hit
by a truck and got coma while his wedding
would be held in one month. The man seemed very love his girlfriend so Hyena
agreed to help him. But the problem is, how to make the spirit back to the body.
Hyena and the man, Hiro try to find out the way to take
him back to his body. And during the prospecting Hiro lived with Hyena and
keep follow her wherever she go. Finally, one day they found the way to take
Hiro to his body.
TO BE CONTINUED
I like this kind of Supernatural ghost story tyta, some corrections for you to consider are "He walked quickly and savely arrived in her house" is "he" here refers to hyena or the stalker? and "He haven't died yet" isnt it should be hasnt died yet? I think thats all for my opinion :)
ReplyDeleteThank u for your comment Jer.. I really appreciate this. I think I was very sleepy when I wrote this story.. hahaha
DeleteGood story, Tyta. But then, i think you have to pay attention to the punctuation and also the grammar, especially on the tenses.
ReplyDeleteBut, overall it's good
Same as the upper comment, pay attention to the punctuation and chronological order, and try not to use something like conversation in your narrative. Thankies :-)
ReplyDeleteWow! Interesting story, Tyta. Actually I didn't like ghost story, but after reading your story, I become very interested and curious. Can't wait for your next post. Keep improving! :D
ReplyDeleteNice story Tyta! I like ghost story and I'm curious about the rest of this story! Keep writing and improving your grammar and vocabularies Tyt!
ReplyDeleteInteresting story, Tyta. Does Hyena have a special ability to see ghosts?
ReplyDeleteand overall your writing is good, Tyta. good luck, Tyt...:)
Nice story, Tyta! I love reading ghost story. I'm so curious with the next of your story, Tyt! Keep improving your grammar and vocabulary! Take care!
ReplyDelete